I cannot think of one thing Ahab did that was a good thing. I don't think he had a spine, let alone a concept of noble integrity. Instead, he got into his bed and pouted on a regular basis. Pitiful. I cannot imagine having respect for a leader who would behave in such a way. Now, the only remotely kind thing I can say about his wife, Jezebel is I could understand her frustration with him when she gave him a tongue-lashing and told him to get up off his bed and quit acting like a baby! The sad, pathetic twist is that Jezebel's heart had no intention of doing good or honoring God in any way and instead of encouraging him to be a Godly man, she goaded him with murder, revenge and idol worship. Decisions Ahab made hid behind Jezebel's manipulations and calculating schemes. Supportive wife? I think not! The fact that they were both willing partners in some very destructive cycles of behavior in marriage and leadership is very sad indeed.
As I sat in awe of this story of a marriage so dysfunctional and ungodly, I was challenged to evaluate my own behavior in marriage. Do I encourage my husband to be a Godly man or am I manipulative and scheming? Now, thankfully, I don't have a hubby who is prone to pout. (psst - he leaves that to his wife ;)) He is a very noble, Godly man who sets the bar very high as to the definition of integrity. However, he is a human - flawed and saved by the grace of God and there are certainly things that cause him insecurity. I believe it is my job as his wife to come alongside him and offer respectful and submissive counsel when I feel things are going in an inappropriate direction. Timing, however is key.
Now, while I certainly wouldn't know this from personal experience ;0) it isn't appropriate to interrupt a situation and give an overbearing opinion right there in the middle of things heated and disheveled. Revisiting the topic later and gently offering counsel in the privacy of our home, or our room if our children are near ;0) is so much more appropriate and effective. I am a valuable allied power of my husband. I have to take that very seriously and refuse the temptation to use that to my own agenda's advantage and manipulate with it.
I was nervous about including verses with this post, I must admit. Our generation has so misused the term submission to authority and unfortunately, women become aggravated at the very mention of the word, even in Christian circles. I love this verse because it beautifully illustrates the responsibility of each person in marriage. Men are commanded to love and women are commanded to respect. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. When a woman respects her husband through appropriate timing, well-chosen words and motives of purity she earns the respect of her husband. Likewise, when a man has respect for his wife, its a very simple, uncomplicated thing for him to show her love and how cherished she is. Lastly, when a woman feels loved, it's a simple thing to show respect. It's a beautiful circle of what marriage should really look like instead of the unhealthy cycle of distrust, manipulation and deceit.
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." - Ephesians 5:33
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