Scars

"Heal the wound, but leave the scar / A reminder of how merciful You are..."

 

I heard these words in church a few weeks ago during the special music portion of our service and I was so blessed by the message.  

I have a scar on the back side of my skull from surgery on my brain stem almost two years ago. It's a very lengthy tale, spanning several years, this story of me and my skull. However, so unimportant are the details I won't bore you with them. The importance of this story to me is the scar. At the risk of offending some, I want you to know - I believe in divine, miraculous healing. However, in my particular case, I walked a journey that didn't end with an instantaneous miracle that rid my body of my issue without medical intervention. I saw doctors- many doctors. I received diagnoses - many diagnoses. I took medicines- many medicines. I prayed prayers- many, many prayers. Finally, my case ended in surgery to correct the abnormalities of my skull and it's problematic symptoms. I was left with a scar that I have to say... I'm pretty proud to know is there. ;0) Just ask my neurosurgeon and hubby - they were there when the dressing was removed and I took one look at the reddish wound with it's ugly black stitches and all I could say was, "Cool!" ;0)

My scar reminds me of how God prioritized my internal work over my external. Through this journey, I learned to trust my heavenly Father in a way I didn't know existed. I learned to extend forgiveness and enforce healthy boundaries, something I failed at for many a year. I learned to have relationships far away from the roller coaster of insecurity. I learned to enjoy my girls rather than spend all my time instructing them. So many are the lessons I learned I don't have enough room on this blog to list them! ;0)

Every time I sweep my hair into a ponytail, I can feel the place where I was cut. It's covered by my hair now, everything grew back, but I can still feel it. I'm reminded each time of the grace of God, His loving hand, His perfect timing. My wound healed a long time ago, but I hope my scar is always there to remind me of His mercy - His unmerited favor toward me.

"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." - Hebrews 4:16